okay, so, school is coming up, and like usual, i'm excited. but this year has some ups and downs.
ups
seeing everyone
wearing my new clothes
choir and drama
dance classes start soon
not being the youngest
my new friends coming to the school
I FOUND AN AUDITION SONG!
downs
finding another audition song
choosing outfits
math, pre-cal
not having some friends in classes
homework
old friends gone
but..
i'm still excited.
which could be weird.
DFTBA,
erin.
Friday, August 29, 2008
running
my head all of a sudden is pounding/how strange/i can't have a bruise in my brain/stopping me from thinking of things that make me sad/my hair is really straight/it feels nice too/i wish someone would play with my hair/it's a nice feeling/no one has played with my hair in a really long time/my friend asked me a good question the other day/it made me think/i can't like two people/the question was interesting/that's weird/oww/glitter/my eye hurts/it is literally sparkling/haha i'm funny/don't you dislike when people begrudge you for no reason/i'm hungry/it's so stupid/like, what did i do wrong/if i had done something, maybe it would make more sense/eyelids are drooping/sleep?/not yet/okay, now.
sing me
sing me to sleep
it's the best you could do
sing me away from this aching pain
sing me to sleep
it's for you and me
sing because you can
sing me to sleep
it's what i need
sing so i can hear your voice
sing me to sleep
and lay here beside me
sing me to sleep as you stroke my hair
sing me to sleep
the pain is gone
sing me anyways
i love to hear your voice
beside me
sing me to sleep
and you never know
i might harmonize with you in my sleep.
it's the best you could do
sing me away from this aching pain
sing me to sleep
it's for you and me
sing because you can
sing me to sleep
it's what i need
sing so i can hear your voice
sing me to sleep
and lay here beside me
sing me to sleep as you stroke my hair
sing me to sleep
the pain is gone
sing me anyways
i love to hear your voice
beside me
sing me to sleep
and you never know
i might harmonize with you in my sleep.
too bad
all we ever needed was this.
too bad 'this' isn't mine.
too bad you like her.
too bad i'm just your friend.
too bad.
too bad.
too bad the music stopped.
too bad the dance ended.
too bad i'm gone.
too bad.
too bad for you.
too bad that i care.
all we ever needed was nothing,
since you and i were never a we.
too bad 'this' isn't mine.
too bad you like her.
too bad i'm just your friend.
too bad.
too bad.
too bad the music stopped.
too bad the dance ended.
too bad i'm gone.
too bad.
too bad for you.
too bad that i care.
all we ever needed was nothing,
since you and i were never a we.
dedicated to a friend of mine
so when there is hope of a relationship, I polietly turn the other way.
all I want to do is run away.
maybe I'm just scared.
but why?
it's not like I have past relationships that have made me this way.
what could it be?
what could it be?
my comfort zone is with me
and that's how it will always be.
all alone.
just me.
all I want to do is run away.
maybe I'm just scared.
but why?
it's not like I have past relationships that have made me this way.
what could it be?
what could it be?
my comfort zone is with me
and that's how it will always be.
all alone.
just me.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Holocaust Memorial Museum
For the dead and the living, we must bear witness.
-Elie Wiesel
As we walked through the security at the front, I began to take in what I was about to see. On Sunday we saw memorials and did some sightseeing, but this museum is the biggest reason for coming here.
Our group is big, and there were three elevators. At first, we thought that they were big, because they put in at least 30 (maybe more) people into it. When a new elevator came, it reminded me a bit of a selection process. She was just calling out schools and gropus, but I just sort of had a connection in my mind to that. We got into the elevator. It was just average sized, with a television. We were the last group, so we had less people, but the caustropohbic(sp?) feeling was still there. It was like a connection to the cattle cars.
We got out on the fourth floor, we were starting at the top working down. The fourth floor was about the Nazis and Hitler's rise to power. They had tons of screens playing videos in black and white. They had photos, and text on the wall-like structures surrounding me. I read and took things in while I walked. There were many people there. After waiting about seven minutes, we went into a seperate room. We then watched a movie that was 13 minutes long about the Rise to Power. We sat on benches, and the room was small. We continued our travels, and saw more photos, videos, and read more text.
We walked into the room of our second video, and I sat near the wall, since every bench was in use. I sat on the side with P, M and A (who had recently lost his group and walked with us for the rest of the time). We saw more artifacts and then went to the next level.
The Concentration Camps and Ghettos level. The third floor. This was a very graphic floor. There were plenty of pictures, text and video, but TONS of artifacts. Together, we walked through a cattle car. J was immensly shaken by that. I stood inside for a while, looking around at the space. I was imagining people being thrown and squished inside, longing for space and comfort. I had only read descriptions about cattle cars, and seen pictures and videos, but actually standing in it had such an effect.
We walked some more, and approached a barrack. We walked inside, and there were the bunkerbeds that the prisoners had slept on. I turned to J with a horrified look on my face and said, "J. This is so scary, because it is real. This isn't some replica or something made up. This is real."
A bunch of people were crowded around this square. It had walls around it, and people were looking down into it. P said that they were videos about the experiments. A was watching, but I was still waiting. He told us that it was so gruesome. J was telling us how she wanted to see it really badly, but at the same time, she wanted to stand aside. She looked back at it, and then said she'd see it. We got a spot to look, and then we saw it. There were slideshow pictures of the sick things that they did to people. They had subtitles/captions describing them. The last picture that I saw was a bunch of body parts, ripped off of people. I can still picture it in my head.
We walked down a hallway, and on either side of us, there were "pit-like" things filled with shoes. They were scattered, piled on top of each other. There was a poem by Moshe Szulsztein, a Yiddish poet, on the wall. On one wall it was written in English, and on the other wall it was written in Hebrew.
We are the shoes, we are the last witnesses.
We are shoes from grandchildren and grandfathers
From Prague, Paris and Amsterdam,
And because we are only made of fabric and leather
And not of blood and flesh,
Each one of us avoided the hellfire
-Elie Wiesel
As we walked through the security at the front, I began to take in what I was about to see. On Sunday we saw memorials and did some sightseeing, but this museum is the biggest reason for coming here.
Our group is big, and there were three elevators. At first, we thought that they were big, because they put in at least 30 (maybe more) people into it. When a new elevator came, it reminded me a bit of a selection process. She was just calling out schools and gropus, but I just sort of had a connection in my mind to that. We got into the elevator. It was just average sized, with a television. We were the last group, so we had less people, but the caustropohbic(sp?) feeling was still there. It was like a connection to the cattle cars.
We got out on the fourth floor, we were starting at the top working down. The fourth floor was about the Nazis and Hitler's rise to power. They had tons of screens playing videos in black and white. They had photos, and text on the wall-like structures surrounding me. I read and took things in while I walked. There were many people there. After waiting about seven minutes, we went into a seperate room. We then watched a movie that was 13 minutes long about the Rise to Power. We sat on benches, and the room was small. We continued our travels, and saw more photos, videos, and read more text.
We walked into the room of our second video, and I sat near the wall, since every bench was in use. I sat on the side with P, M and A (who had recently lost his group and walked with us for the rest of the time). We saw more artifacts and then went to the next level.
The Concentration Camps and Ghettos level. The third floor. This was a very graphic floor. There were plenty of pictures, text and video, but TONS of artifacts. Together, we walked through a cattle car. J was immensly shaken by that. I stood inside for a while, looking around at the space. I was imagining people being thrown and squished inside, longing for space and comfort. I had only read descriptions about cattle cars, and seen pictures and videos, but actually standing in it had such an effect.
We walked some more, and approached a barrack. We walked inside, and there were the bunkerbeds that the prisoners had slept on. I turned to J with a horrified look on my face and said, "J. This is so scary, because it is real. This isn't some replica or something made up. This is real."
A bunch of people were crowded around this square. It had walls around it, and people were looking down into it. P said that they were videos about the experiments. A was watching, but I was still waiting. He told us that it was so gruesome. J was telling us how she wanted to see it really badly, but at the same time, she wanted to stand aside. She looked back at it, and then said she'd see it. We got a spot to look, and then we saw it. There were slideshow pictures of the sick things that they did to people. They had subtitles/captions describing them. The last picture that I saw was a bunch of body parts, ripped off of people. I can still picture it in my head.
We walked down a hallway, and on either side of us, there were "pit-like" things filled with shoes. They were scattered, piled on top of each other. There was a poem by Moshe Szulsztein, a Yiddish poet, on the wall. On one wall it was written in English, and on the other wall it was written in Hebrew.
We are the shoes, we are the last witnesses.
We are shoes from grandchildren and grandfathers
From Prague, Paris and Amsterdam,
And because we are only made of fabric and leather
And not of blood and flesh,
Each one of us avoided the hellfire
-Moshe Szulsztein
The displays of the tatoos were next. That whole idea sickens me, personally. They had a HUGE picture of tons of hair in a pile, which was just a fraction of all the hair cut off. They used hair for matress stuffing. It was cheap.
The children area was just so touching. There were many names.
There was this one thing that just stuck in my mind. They used cracked tombstones from somewhere in Poland to make a wall.
I couldn't finish writing about my trip to the Holocaust Memorial Museum, and all of the words I wrote aren't even close to describing the painful feelings and emotions that are brought out from this museum.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
tired
i'm tired/it's only 12:46/i want more texts/oh wow, my eyelids are heavy/i want a lollipop/i really should read that book/my dream last night/hard to describe/i'm lying/no/erin, you know you want to be held/just want to be held/just want to be loved/oh that makes sense/you look loveable right now/nice shirt/i love it/yea right/eyelids are heavy/why awake anyways/lollipop/it's not like he'll text or call you/that sucks/it's the truth/shucks/ it's the cold, hard truth/shut up, i know this sucks/yes, it does suck/lollipop yummy, how good/oh, please hold me/i need somebody to love/why you/i've never had anyone/that's pathetic/it's pure/get out of town/what else do i say?/eyelids are heavy/it's not that difficult/if you care a lot/i do/then try/i am trying/oh yeah/i'm not the only one who should do stuff/it's not that hard/why is my cell phone being inactive in the recieving department/i missed the hills/lollipops are good/i miss a lot of people/i know, sweetie, i know.
neverland
I never used to understand so many things.
I still don't.
I used to find age as a boundary, and a safety blanket.
To me, it was like, I couldn't do certain things because I was too young.
Like, I couldn't do certain things because I was too old.
Those were the boundaries.
When I was scared and ran to my parents.
When we practiced drills at school and I fooled around because anything bad like that could never happen to a kid like me.
Those were the saftey blanket type of things.
Age is something that you can get caught up in, and it is pretty important.
Everyone is supposed to have a 'prime time' in their lives. I don't think mine has come yet. I hope it hasn't. I like to know what I am experiencing, being able to put a title on things, that's me.
I still don't.
I used to find age as a boundary, and a safety blanket.
To me, it was like, I couldn't do certain things because I was too young.
Like, I couldn't do certain things because I was too old.
Those were the boundaries.
When I was scared and ran to my parents.
When we practiced drills at school and I fooled around because anything bad like that could never happen to a kid like me.
Those were the saftey blanket type of things.
Age is something that you can get caught up in, and it is pretty important.
Everyone is supposed to have a 'prime time' in their lives. I don't think mine has come yet. I hope it hasn't. I like to know what I am experiencing, being able to put a title on things, that's me.
Monday, August 18, 2008
personal life?
I haven't made many posts about my personal life, and it is KIND of boring. I mean, there is barely ANY drama going on EVER. Well, I take that back, there is some stuff that could be found interesting enough to read. But whatever. I'll try my best.
So, last week I went to a teenage mother support group. I was totally nervous. I mean, it's weird enough getting looks at school, people talking about you behind your back, calling you a slut and whatnot. It isn't even like that, and they have no idea about what happened or anything. So when I got out of my friend's car and stepped onto the pavement, I was just feeling so nervous. I can't even think of a word better than that to describe it.
The room had desks formed in a square, so everyone would be facing inwards. It reminded me of a middle school classroom setup or something like that. I was expecting there to be a circle of chairs or something, like in Rent with the Aids meetings. Some people were already seated. I didn't know anyone, so I just took a seat near one of the corners of the square of desks. It actually was kind of like a rectangle more than a square.
Girls started filing into the room, and, like usual, I looked at their outfits. I'm not superficial, but sometimes I find it fun to look at outfits and people's looks, and think of what kind of person they seem to be. One girl looked really nice. She had auburn hair (jealous!) in a ponytail, and a red shirt on. She kind of reminded me of Sadie (Charlotte Arnold) from the show Naturally Sadie.
When the meeting began, we all went around and said our names. The lady who was the leader, or whatever you'd call her, pointed to a girl and asked if she would like to share her story. This was a session about opening up about situations, and not to hold things in. The girl named either Maggie or Margaret(I don't remember, but I guess I'll see her if I go back another time. I'll just call her Maggie.) started to tell her story. I found it actually really interesting, so I hope you do too.
Maggie had been hanging out with the popular kids at her school (Hollister-wearing whores, who weren't anywhere near being whores, but they loved the title, she said) and there was a guy who hung out with them that she thought was kind of cute. They got to know each other a little bit, but unfortunately, he was dating her friend(a HW) Hanna, so all she could do was dream. They were out at someone's house and they were all laughing about the stupid things that they did in middle school. Maggie said that she kissed a guy at a middle school dance, and her best friend liked him too, so their friendship ended, just like that. Hanna said that she would never dump a friend for a dumb reason like that. They later decided to play 7 minutes in heaven, a game that Maggie had played before, and she found out she had to go in with the guy she liked. His name was Alex or something. So, when she found out it was her and Alex together, she remembered what Hanna had said, and then Maggie said that two minutes later, they were on the floor, half-clothed. She said that it went by so fast, she was so out of it, that she didn't have much control over the situation. She said that she liked it a hell of a lot, and she didn't want to stop anything anyways. I can see her point of view.
Anyways, back to her story. So there was a knock on the door, Maggie said, and she heard people yelling 'Time's Up!' but the two of them didn't acknowledge anything. In stepped Hanna, the HW's (hollister whores) and the rest of the guys. Hanna dropped to the floor in a deestated rage, the HW's (apparently Maggie remembers all of the little details) crept around to sneak peeks at Alex, and the guys did the same to Maggie. She said right about when one of the guys made a remark about her body and when one of the HW's slapped Maggie in the face, while the others furiously texted everyone to let them know what was going on, was the moment everything came rushing back to her. What she had just done waas such a huge deal, and she started to break down and cry while she quickly grabbed her clothes. She said that she had always wanted to wait for the perfect guy, someone who knew her well, and someone who she trusted. She was so frustrated with herself, she never wanted to lose her virginity at a party in a bedroom she'd never been in with a guy, she realized, she didn't even know. That all happened in her grade nine year, and she was now in grade eleven. After hearing her age, I was kind of less uptight, in a way, because I am going into grade ten, and it just happened at the end of grade nine. Her baby was named Kathleen, and she adored her. She was going to adopt, but her mother helped take care of her. It was nice to hear that her mother was coping with the situation, bad as it is. She finished her story and then finished it off with saying, "Having someone there for you helps a heck of a lot," and I really agree. I'm so lucky that I have people here with me.
Then there was a question time. Someone asked about the guy, Alex. Maggie laughed, then said "His parents were obviously totally mad, but I think his dad was secretly glad that Hanna broke up with him." She made me, and some other people, giggle.
Another girl said that she was just 3 months in, and the boy she did it with was her sister's ex, which I suppose complicates things. One girl, wearing fishnets for some reason (???), didn't say much, but just that this wasn't her first time having sex; that she loved it, and that she wasn't even pregnant, her mom just made her come here.
Going to that meeting/clinic/whatever was such a good experience. It was a comfort to see that tons of people around my age had gotten through this. I am a bit less scared now. Okay, that's a total lie. I am TOTALLY freaked out about it. I hate pain. But I still have more than a few months to go. I'll be able to do school for a while, which is good. I don't want to miss a lot, because I'd hate to fall behind in classes, and miss the after school stuff, which I love. Not everyone at my school knows, but the people who know (like I said before) call me a slut and all that jazz behind my back and to my face. If you look at me, you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm pregnant or anything. I'm only a couple months in. I don't know a way to let everyone know, without it being awkward. Maybe publishing it on my blog, or on facebook will work. I don't know. This might always be a draft. It won't be though, because after I finish this paragraph off, I'm clicking publish, and the news will be out. All of this being sick stuff sucks though. I hate throwing up.
Love, Me.
P.S. Don't hate me :S
So, last week I went to a teenage mother support group. I was totally nervous. I mean, it's weird enough getting looks at school, people talking about you behind your back, calling you a slut and whatnot. It isn't even like that, and they have no idea about what happened or anything. So when I got out of my friend's car and stepped onto the pavement, I was just feeling so nervous. I can't even think of a word better than that to describe it.
The room had desks formed in a square, so everyone would be facing inwards. It reminded me of a middle school classroom setup or something like that. I was expecting there to be a circle of chairs or something, like in Rent with the Aids meetings. Some people were already seated. I didn't know anyone, so I just took a seat near one of the corners of the square of desks. It actually was kind of like a rectangle more than a square.
Girls started filing into the room, and, like usual, I looked at their outfits. I'm not superficial, but sometimes I find it fun to look at outfits and people's looks, and think of what kind of person they seem to be. One girl looked really nice. She had auburn hair (jealous!) in a ponytail, and a red shirt on. She kind of reminded me of Sadie (Charlotte Arnold) from the show Naturally Sadie.
When the meeting began, we all went around and said our names. The lady who was the leader, or whatever you'd call her, pointed to a girl and asked if she would like to share her story. This was a session about opening up about situations, and not to hold things in. The girl named either Maggie or Margaret(I don't remember, but I guess I'll see her if I go back another time. I'll just call her Maggie.) started to tell her story. I found it actually really interesting, so I hope you do too.
Maggie had been hanging out with the popular kids at her school (Hollister-wearing whores, who weren't anywhere near being whores, but they loved the title, she said) and there was a guy who hung out with them that she thought was kind of cute. They got to know each other a little bit, but unfortunately, he was dating her friend(a HW) Hanna, so all she could do was dream. They were out at someone's house and they were all laughing about the stupid things that they did in middle school. Maggie said that she kissed a guy at a middle school dance, and her best friend liked him too, so their friendship ended, just like that. Hanna said that she would never dump a friend for a dumb reason like that. They later decided to play 7 minutes in heaven, a game that Maggie had played before, and she found out she had to go in with the guy she liked. His name was Alex or something. So, when she found out it was her and Alex together, she remembered what Hanna had said, and then Maggie said that two minutes later, they were on the floor, half-clothed. She said that it went by so fast, she was so out of it, that she didn't have much control over the situation. She said that she liked it a hell of a lot, and she didn't want to stop anything anyways. I can see her point of view.
Anyways, back to her story. So there was a knock on the door, Maggie said, and she heard people yelling 'Time's Up!' but the two of them didn't acknowledge anything. In stepped Hanna, the HW's (hollister whores) and the rest of the guys. Hanna dropped to the floor in a deestated rage, the HW's (apparently Maggie remembers all of the little details) crept around to sneak peeks at Alex, and the guys did the same to Maggie. She said right about when one of the guys made a remark about her body and when one of the HW's slapped Maggie in the face, while the others furiously texted everyone to let them know what was going on, was the moment everything came rushing back to her. What she had just done waas such a huge deal, and she started to break down and cry while she quickly grabbed her clothes. She said that she had always wanted to wait for the perfect guy, someone who knew her well, and someone who she trusted. She was so frustrated with herself, she never wanted to lose her virginity at a party in a bedroom she'd never been in with a guy, she realized, she didn't even know. That all happened in her grade nine year, and she was now in grade eleven. After hearing her age, I was kind of less uptight, in a way, because I am going into grade ten, and it just happened at the end of grade nine. Her baby was named Kathleen, and she adored her. She was going to adopt, but her mother helped take care of her. It was nice to hear that her mother was coping with the situation, bad as it is. She finished her story and then finished it off with saying, "Having someone there for you helps a heck of a lot," and I really agree. I'm so lucky that I have people here with me.
Then there was a question time. Someone asked about the guy, Alex. Maggie laughed, then said "His parents were obviously totally mad, but I think his dad was secretly glad that Hanna broke up with him." She made me, and some other people, giggle.
Another girl said that she was just 3 months in, and the boy she did it with was her sister's ex, which I suppose complicates things. One girl, wearing fishnets for some reason (???), didn't say much, but just that this wasn't her first time having sex; that she loved it, and that she wasn't even pregnant, her mom just made her come here.
Going to that meeting/clinic/whatever was such a good experience. It was a comfort to see that tons of people around my age had gotten through this. I am a bit less scared now. Okay, that's a total lie. I am TOTALLY freaked out about it. I hate pain. But I still have more than a few months to go. I'll be able to do school for a while, which is good. I don't want to miss a lot, because I'd hate to fall behind in classes, and miss the after school stuff, which I love. Not everyone at my school knows, but the people who know (like I said before) call me a slut and all that jazz behind my back and to my face. If you look at me, you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm pregnant or anything. I'm only a couple months in. I don't know a way to let everyone know, without it being awkward. Maybe publishing it on my blog, or on facebook will work. I don't know. This might always be a draft. It won't be though, because after I finish this paragraph off, I'm clicking publish, and the news will be out. All of this being sick stuff sucks though. I hate throwing up.
Love, Me.
P.S. Don't hate me :S
Friday, August 15, 2008
looking through my ipod on a thursday night
if i needed to make a mixtape that meant something..
that had songs that meant something, or made people think..
or even songs that mean something to me..
this would be it.
love heals-rent
so i thought-flyleaf
everything-the veronicas
don't do sadness/blue wind-spring awakening
mama said-declan galbraith
time of your life-greenday
sabbath prayer-fiddler on the roof
there's a fine, fine line-avenue q
those you've known-spring awakening
everything-michael buble
something-the beatles
julia-fefe dobson
happiness is a warm gun-the beatles
solla sollew-seussical
cancer-my chemical romance
everybody needs somebody to love-the real group
left behind-spring awakening
write what you know-not exactly romeo
the girl-city and colour
circle of life-the lion king
all about you-mcfly
hide and seek-imogen heap
like toy soldiers-eminem
she had the world-panic at the disco
here comes the sun-the beatles
i havent updated my ipod in a while, so i'm missing a couple.
that had songs that meant something, or made people think..
or even songs that mean something to me..
this would be it.
love heals-rent
so i thought-flyleaf
everything-the veronicas
don't do sadness/blue wind-spring awakening
mama said-declan galbraith
time of your life-greenday
sabbath prayer-fiddler on the roof
there's a fine, fine line-avenue q
those you've known-spring awakening
everything-michael buble
something-the beatles
julia-fefe dobson
happiness is a warm gun-the beatles
solla sollew-seussical
cancer-my chemical romance
everybody needs somebody to love-the real group
left behind-spring awakening
write what you know-not exactly romeo
the girl-city and colour
circle of life-the lion king
all about you-mcfly
hide and seek-imogen heap
like toy soldiers-eminem
she had the world-panic at the disco
here comes the sun-the beatles
i havent updated my ipod in a while, so i'm missing a couple.
Friday, August 8, 2008
shortcuts
i like to stare at the back of your head.
i like knowing that you are right there, in my reach.
i like knowing that there is a chance you want me to.
i don't like pretending, that's all.
pretending that I didn't remember every word you ever said to me.
i don't like to lie.
i like knowing that you are right there, in my reach.
i like knowing that there is a chance you want me to.
i don't like pretending, that's all.
pretending that I didn't remember every word you ever said to me.
i don't like to lie.
love songs
i've been noticing lately that all the songs are about love.
breaking up, falling in love, having a crush, cheating on someone, ect.
then there are the random songs, like ones about inanimate objects and dancing.
why is love in all the songs?
if we go to a concert, do they want those of us who are single to be upset, and do they want their songs to increase longing for a certain person?
breaking up, falling in love, having a crush, cheating on someone, ect.
then there are the random songs, like ones about inanimate objects and dancing.
why is love in all the songs?
if we go to a concert, do they want those of us who are single to be upset, and do they want their songs to increase longing for a certain person?
so deal
caught up in it all, not knowing what
the right thing is to do
all of this reckless talk, and for what
since it is all just thrown away
at the end of the day
and by day, I don't mean i don't mean in a literal sense.
it's just one of those things
yet again
yet again
with everyone letting other people down
we get to the point where we
are just cigarette stubs, burnt out
on the ground.
no one bothers to pick us up
because we have a possibility of damaging the one who helps us.
we are also mis-trusting the one
who dares to pick us up,
because we have a fear of being thrown away.
away goes the version of our lives that we don't want to forget.
the parts we want to forget..
stick with us.
forever.
the right thing is to do
all of this reckless talk, and for what
since it is all just thrown away
at the end of the day
and by day, I don't mean i don't mean in a literal sense.
it's just one of those things
yet again
yet again
with everyone letting other people down
we get to the point where we
are just cigarette stubs, burnt out
on the ground.
no one bothers to pick us up
because we have a possibility of damaging the one who helps us.
we are also mis-trusting the one
who dares to pick us up,
because we have a fear of being thrown away.
away goes the version of our lives that we don't want to forget.
the parts we want to forget..
stick with us.
forever.
fictional characters
If these following characters were real, I'd want to date them, or just be in love with them. Or have them love me.
Ronald Bilius Weasley
The Harry Potter Series
Oh boy, how should I even start off? Ron is a redhead, and freckly, and tall, and I love that. He can get very defensive sometimes, but I still like that for some reason. Many readers see him as the one of the trio who is pointless, and slows them down. The thing is, all of the characters have faults, and in a way they all slow the group down. Ron is such an awkward character, and he does get jealous easily. But he's had to live with competition his whole life, so don't get all mean. I like him. Hermione, the one he is in love with is such a perfect match for him. She is right for him, but also wrong for him on so many levels. I think that he just has something about him that is so loveable. He has insecurities and he shows them, and I like to see that in a person. Everyone is flawed, so you shouldn't try to hide your flaws. Ron is interesting because he sees himself as being amazing, but at the same time time, he sees himself as the lowest of the low. Ron obviusly knows how to make out (and other things) with girls, or else Lavender wouldn't have stayed around him for a long period of time. Also, there comes the topic of the bok. In book seven, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, we see that Ron gets a book with tips and tricks, almost guidlines, for women. He uses tactics that are listed in the book on Hermione. People think that he has no real charm because he is just doing what the book said, but I don't agree. Where else would he pick up knowledge? Everyone picks up bits and pieces of information along the way in their lives, so why can't he apply the things he read in the book to his life? I love to read, and sometimes I will find an analogy of some sort that I agree with, and I carry it with me. I believe a certain thing about love from analyzing my feelings and watching other people, and hearing about their emotions and thoughts. So if he wants to use a book to guide him in his romantic life, then let him. At least he is doing something good. Also, where do you think other guys pick things up? Movies, people around them, books, previous relationships..they didn't just come up with all this stuff by themselves. It's the way they apply it to real life that shows what they are really like.
Another reason I like Ron is because I just love the whole Weasley family. Actually, I don't like Percy all that much. I gained some respect for him in the last book, but I still don't like him all that much. Besides Percy, the Weasley family rocks. Molly is a sweet mother. She is meddling at times, but all in all, she rocks. Especially with her killer line in the huge battle, she totally PWNED! They just all rock. I would think of more reasons Ron is a character that I'd crush on if he were real, but I've been talking about him for quite some time, and you are probably totaly agaisnt everything I said. So I'll end this now. Ron is amazing, and in the movie portrayal of the books, Rupert Grint is a fantastic choice. Both of them mixed together is a wonderful person for me to enjoy.
Oh no! I cannot think of any other character..
"What about a Twilight character?" you might ask. The truth is, I'm not all fan-girly over Eddy here. Jacob is definetly whom I prefer, but I still don't love him. Oh, and to make is clear for all of you, I don't think it should be Jacob and Bella, I think Edward and Bella are much bettter together. What I'm saying when I pick Jacob over Edward is that Jacob is just the one who appeals to me more, no matter how..erm..intense the love scenes can become.
What about Charlie from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower?
I was thinking about that, but if he were real, he just wouldn't appeal to me. I'd want to be his friend, though. There is also other characters from that book, like Patrick, Brad, Bob, and stuff, but I just don't love them, although Patrick is one of my favourites.
What about a character from a book by John Green, like Looking for Alaska, or an Abundance of Katherines?
Well, I don't have a reader-esque crush on Miles AKA Pudge, or the Colonel. None of the characters in An Abundance of Katherines catch my fancy. TOC is an absolute JERK! Hassan just isn't for me, and neither is Colin, except he is a loveable character.
What about Stephen King's books?
None of the characters are jumping out at me, calling to me saying "You had a crush on me, I was gorgeous, remember?" or anything of the sort.
Anyone else?
Seamus Finnigan. Don't ask. Please, don't.
Ronald Bilius Weasley
The Harry Potter Series
Oh boy, how should I even start off? Ron is a redhead, and freckly, and tall, and I love that. He can get very defensive sometimes, but I still like that for some reason. Many readers see him as the one of the trio who is pointless, and slows them down. The thing is, all of the characters have faults, and in a way they all slow the group down. Ron is such an awkward character, and he does get jealous easily. But he's had to live with competition his whole life, so don't get all mean. I like him. Hermione, the one he is in love with is such a perfect match for him. She is right for him, but also wrong for him on so many levels. I think that he just has something about him that is so loveable. He has insecurities and he shows them, and I like to see that in a person. Everyone is flawed, so you shouldn't try to hide your flaws. Ron is interesting because he sees himself as being amazing, but at the same time time, he sees himself as the lowest of the low. Ron obviusly knows how to make out (and other things) with girls, or else Lavender wouldn't have stayed around him for a long period of time. Also, there comes the topic of the bok. In book seven, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, we see that Ron gets a book with tips and tricks, almost guidlines, for women. He uses tactics that are listed in the book on Hermione. People think that he has no real charm because he is just doing what the book said, but I don't agree. Where else would he pick up knowledge? Everyone picks up bits and pieces of information along the way in their lives, so why can't he apply the things he read in the book to his life? I love to read, and sometimes I will find an analogy of some sort that I agree with, and I carry it with me. I believe a certain thing about love from analyzing my feelings and watching other people, and hearing about their emotions and thoughts. So if he wants to use a book to guide him in his romantic life, then let him. At least he is doing something good. Also, where do you think other guys pick things up? Movies, people around them, books, previous relationships..they didn't just come up with all this stuff by themselves. It's the way they apply it to real life that shows what they are really like.
Another reason I like Ron is because I just love the whole Weasley family. Actually, I don't like Percy all that much. I gained some respect for him in the last book, but I still don't like him all that much. Besides Percy, the Weasley family rocks. Molly is a sweet mother. She is meddling at times, but all in all, she rocks. Especially with her killer line in the huge battle, she totally PWNED! They just all rock. I would think of more reasons Ron is a character that I'd crush on if he were real, but I've been talking about him for quite some time, and you are probably totaly agaisnt everything I said. So I'll end this now. Ron is amazing, and in the movie portrayal of the books, Rupert Grint is a fantastic choice. Both of them mixed together is a wonderful person for me to enjoy.
Oh no! I cannot think of any other character..
"What about a Twilight character?" you might ask. The truth is, I'm not all fan-girly over Eddy here. Jacob is definetly whom I prefer, but I still don't love him. Oh, and to make is clear for all of you, I don't think it should be Jacob and Bella, I think Edward and Bella are much bettter together. What I'm saying when I pick Jacob over Edward is that Jacob is just the one who appeals to me more, no matter how..erm..intense the love scenes can become.
What about Charlie from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower?
I was thinking about that, but if he were real, he just wouldn't appeal to me. I'd want to be his friend, though. There is also other characters from that book, like Patrick, Brad, Bob, and stuff, but I just don't love them, although Patrick is one of my favourites.
What about a character from a book by John Green, like Looking for Alaska, or an Abundance of Katherines?
Well, I don't have a reader-esque crush on Miles AKA Pudge, or the Colonel. None of the characters in An Abundance of Katherines catch my fancy. TOC is an absolute JERK! Hassan just isn't for me, and neither is Colin, except he is a loveable character.
What about Stephen King's books?
None of the characters are jumping out at me, calling to me saying "You had a crush on me, I was gorgeous, remember?" or anything of the sort.
Anyone else?
Seamus Finnigan. Don't ask. Please, don't.
reckless writing and dancing. and alyson.
Sometimes, writing brings things out in you. It can help organize your thoughts, thoughts that you didn't originally realize being there can appear. Everyone has something that makes them feel reckless, and it can seriously be anything. For many people, singing and writing are their outlets. I know some people who face the world through dance, and I'm not sure if I'm like that anymore. I mean sure, I love to dance, that is undeniable. But that feeling of opening up just isn't there with the style of dance that I can bring out. If someone puts on a hip hop song, I can just have to much fun with it. If someone hits play and the song is a lyrical dance type of number, I picture the dance in my head, but I can't bring it out in real life. For a slower dance, I need to get choreography, since I never took any type of ballet. Mostly, in ballet, you learn technique. Technique is something that is very important to have, and I'm sad to say that I do not have any. Actually, that is a lie. I took Jazz/Funk for three years, and I learned technique in that class. It isn't as if I learnt that much though. I mean, in Jazz/Funk, you learn moves to do across the floor that are classic, and you can incorporate them into a dance, like chaines and pas de bourees. It is totally different in hip hop though, because the style doesn't have much that you can reuse. Sure, body rolls, shimmies, sharp movements, but are those malleable?
I know a couple of walks, but the rest are just greatly choreographed sections of material. I once went slowly through a dance, and tried to see if there was any core material, anything derived from something that coud be put under the category of a well known dance move. Hip hop dancing is such a broad genre, so the teacher has more room for personal interpretation, and they can mix different styles, and make up their own moves. Maybe the reason I like hip hop so much is because you can find your own style within the style. I love being able to just let everything out and dance. For me, this is the style of dance that 'hits the spot'.
When people think of the word dance, they usually think of ballet. They think of the stereotypical prissy girl in ballet shoes. That is totally stupid on so many levels. For the record, I know more than a few girls who take or have taken ballet, and all of them are sweet and none of them are prissy, stuck up little princesses. They most likely work insanely hard. But anyways, back to what I was saying before..
When people think about dancing, normally hip hop isn't the first thing to come to mind. That is totally fine with me, that isn't what I'm getting at, not completely anyways. I just want people to think that hip hop if a form of beauty, not just some booty shaking or anything like that. For me, hip hop is empowering, and fun too. I like how you can express your funny or shall I say, random, side through this style of dance. You can be quirky, though, sexy, anything, and everything. I can't seem to stop writing about this, so I guess I have more to say on this topic of dance.
One of my dance idols is Alyson Stoner. You're probably thinking "WHAT? ALYSON STONER? WHAT ABOUT SOMEONE FROM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, OR A MORE WIDELY KNOWN DANCER?" and you know what? Alyson is a widely known dancer, so shush. She is really like me in so many ways, it's kind of funny. She is a hip hop dancer at heart, but dances other styles as well. She acts, like me, except for me it is in school plays and musicals, and for her, it is in movies. We both like to sing, but aren't fantastic or epic or anything. We are both around the same age(actually just a month apart), and I've always looked up to her. I've always thought that it would be the best experience to teach dance to people in workshops. That would make me feel oh-so very important. She is also just such a bubbly person, and seems really down to earth. I also love her hair, and I'm jealous of her eyes, because mine used to be my best feature, but now they are blah. I also erally want to make videos on youtube, if you didn't already know, because I mention it quite a lot. The neat thing is, Alyson has a youtube channel, and I just recently found that out. I'm not a stalker, gosh! Haha, but seriously. All in all, Alyson is a really cool person, and you should check her out. Read her Wikipedia page or something. Oh, and for all you television watchers out there (pretty much everyone), or actually, anyone on a computer..so if you are reading this blog, i'm talking to you. She was in Camp Rock, which you've most likely heard of, or seen. I loved her character in it! You know what? I'd better end this now, because it is currently 3:38 AM. Yes, I know that it doesn't say that on the time stamp thing, but I'll let you in on a little secret. I am sitting in my room right now writing this out in my notebook in cursive. I like writing in handwriting, I think it looks beautiful, displayed on the page like a work of art. Sorry about the bad adjectives that are probably over-used, the paragraph style that is pretty much two long paragraphs. Unless of course I fix it up while I type this out. Wouldn't it be cool if I posted pictures of the original written out version of this?
I watched Girlicious today, and a bunch of songs are stuck in my head. I will be going to bed now. I was texting my friends while I wrote this, and we are planning on getting to bed soon. It is now 3:55. Goodnight readers, may I dream of awesome. Oh, and you too.
P.S. Do I even have readers?
I know a couple of walks, but the rest are just greatly choreographed sections of material. I once went slowly through a dance, and tried to see if there was any core material, anything derived from something that coud be put under the category of a well known dance move. Hip hop dancing is such a broad genre, so the teacher has more room for personal interpretation, and they can mix different styles, and make up their own moves. Maybe the reason I like hip hop so much is because you can find your own style within the style. I love being able to just let everything out and dance. For me, this is the style of dance that 'hits the spot'.
When people think of the word dance, they usually think of ballet. They think of the stereotypical prissy girl in ballet shoes. That is totally stupid on so many levels. For the record, I know more than a few girls who take or have taken ballet, and all of them are sweet and none of them are prissy, stuck up little princesses. They most likely work insanely hard. But anyways, back to what I was saying before..
When people think about dancing, normally hip hop isn't the first thing to come to mind. That is totally fine with me, that isn't what I'm getting at, not completely anyways. I just want people to think that hip hop if a form of beauty, not just some booty shaking or anything like that. For me, hip hop is empowering, and fun too. I like how you can express your funny or shall I say, random, side through this style of dance. You can be quirky, though, sexy, anything, and everything. I can't seem to stop writing about this, so I guess I have more to say on this topic of dance.
One of my dance idols is Alyson Stoner. You're probably thinking "WHAT? ALYSON STONER? WHAT ABOUT SOMEONE FROM SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE, OR A MORE WIDELY KNOWN DANCER?" and you know what? Alyson is a widely known dancer, so shush. She is really like me in so many ways, it's kind of funny. She is a hip hop dancer at heart, but dances other styles as well. She acts, like me, except for me it is in school plays and musicals, and for her, it is in movies. We both like to sing, but aren't fantastic or epic or anything. We are both around the same age(actually just a month apart), and I've always looked up to her. I've always thought that it would be the best experience to teach dance to people in workshops. That would make me feel oh-so very important. She is also just such a bubbly person, and seems really down to earth. I also love her hair, and I'm jealous of her eyes, because mine used to be my best feature, but now they are blah. I also erally want to make videos on youtube, if you didn't already know, because I mention it quite a lot. The neat thing is, Alyson has a youtube channel, and I just recently found that out. I'm not a stalker, gosh! Haha, but seriously. All in all, Alyson is a really cool person, and you should check her out. Read her Wikipedia page or something. Oh, and for all you television watchers out there (pretty much everyone), or actually, anyone on a computer..so if you are reading this blog, i'm talking to you. She was in Camp Rock, which you've most likely heard of, or seen. I loved her character in it! You know what? I'd better end this now, because it is currently 3:38 AM. Yes, I know that it doesn't say that on the time stamp thing, but I'll let you in on a little secret. I am sitting in my room right now writing this out in my notebook in cursive. I like writing in handwriting, I think it looks beautiful, displayed on the page like a work of art. Sorry about the bad adjectives that are probably over-used, the paragraph style that is pretty much two long paragraphs. Unless of course I fix it up while I type this out. Wouldn't it be cool if I posted pictures of the original written out version of this?
I watched Girlicious today, and a bunch of songs are stuck in my head. I will be going to bed now. I was texting my friends while I wrote this, and we are planning on getting to bed soon. It is now 3:55. Goodnight readers, may I dream of awesome. Oh, and you too.
P.S. Do I even have readers?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
this is an ex-parrot!
'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
One point if you knew what that was from.
So today, I am going to do a really quick rant. And by really quick, I mean really quick.
When You Are Having A Texting Conversation And You
Don't Get A Reply Back
Gosh, it just bothers me so much. I mean, it's one thing if you are having a conversation and it just kind of goes to a close.
Yeah, it was really funny.
Lol
Lol
Something like that isn't what bothers me.
I had a good time with everyone.
Yeah, me too. It rocked.
I NEED to hang out with you again.
Totally.
Do you want to do something this Friday?
I can't, i'm busy.
Oh, well is there any other day?
No, I'm busy until i'm 20. LOL.
Oh, haha, well that sucks. :'(
Yea
I miss you!!!! :(((((((
No reply.
That is what I hate. I mean, it is a valid conversation, and then it is sharply cut off.
Texting Rules:
Rule 1-Text people back.
Rule 2-Don't use really long abbreviations that don't make sense.
Rule 3-Use emoticons, but not too many.
Rule 4-Send random texts, like Good Morning, or just anything, to make someone smile.
One point if you knew what that was from.
So today, I am going to do a really quick rant. And by really quick, I mean really quick.
When You Are Having A Texting Conversation And You
Don't Get A Reply Back
Gosh, it just bothers me so much. I mean, it's one thing if you are having a conversation and it just kind of goes to a close.
Yeah, it was really funny.
Lol
Lol
Something like that isn't what bothers me.
I had a good time with everyone.
Yeah, me too. It rocked.
I NEED to hang out with you again.
Totally.
Do you want to do something this Friday?
I can't, i'm busy.
Oh, well is there any other day?
No, I'm busy until i'm 20. LOL.
Oh, haha, well that sucks. :'(
Yea
I miss you!!!! :(((((((
No reply.
That is what I hate. I mean, it is a valid conversation, and then it is sharply cut off.
Texting Rules:
Rule 1-Text people back.
Rule 2-Don't use really long abbreviations that don't make sense.
Rule 3-Use emoticons, but not too many.
Rule 4-Send random texts, like Good Morning, or just anything, to make someone smile.
looking for alaska
" Those awful things are survivable, because we are as indestructible as we believe ourselves to be. When adults say, "Teenagers think they are invincible" with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of parts cannot begin and cannot end, and so it cannot fail. "
That is a quote from Looking for Alaska by John Green. He is a fabulous authour, and you should read his works.
That is a quote from Looking for Alaska by John Green. He is a fabulous authour, and you should read his works.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
breaking dawn release party
Oh man. I love release parties. I love how people can just walk up to you and start talking, and it is totally not weird! When we got there, other people were just starting to get there, so it wasn't that busy yet. We were just looking around and looking at the decorations and stuff that they put up. They had gravestones for everyone, but I only took pictures of three of them.
We got in line at 11:00, and waited. We sang, we talked, we just hung out. And then Robyn got a text message. The text message said:
Congrats You've WON! Go to the front of the line and show this message
We screamed, and Robyn left us to go to the front of the line. Bev was quite annoyed because she thought that she should have gotten first place in line. Robyn texted us and said that she got a free copy of the book! Lucky! There was a countdown and then two guys came out with some cart all taped up and they cut the tape(while Bev was saying "OH MY GOD THEY ARE CUTTING THE TAPE!!!" as if I couldnt see). They started handing out the books. When Bev got hers, she began sobbing. She was laughing, crying, screaming, the works. My friend Adrianna ran up to me and told me that she had won a tshirt, a free copy of the book, some DVD thing, and a bunch of stickers and pins! I knew two people who won books, it was so awesome! It was a great experience, and I wish I could have gone to other release parties, since this was uber-exciting. Two people said I looked like Bella..?
There was a bunch of things to do. There was mask and jewlery making, tarot readings, a fortune teller, henna tattoos, a food stand with things that had cool titles, ect. I got a rose henna tattoo on the left forearm, and so did the two people who I went with, Bev and Robyn. While we were in line waiting to get our henna tattoos, a girl began to talk to us, and we had a conersation for the fifteen or twenty minutes that we were standing in the line. Earlier, a girl walked up to us and was talking to us. She then told us that there was a contest to win a free book, through text messaging. We all entered, and it was a multiple choice question. We all answered C, which was the correct answer. More about this contest later. At the mask and jewlery making, I made two necklaces and I just took a mask. I didn't want to decorate it. Bev decorated hers, and Robyn did too. There was a board where it said 'Your Wishes For Bella' where you could put sticky notes giving your thoughts to Bella. I will post the picture of what I wrote and of what Bev wrote below.
I went to starbucks and got a drink. On the board where it said "today i recommend" it said Bella's Brew.
We got in line at 11:00, and waited. We sang, we talked, we just hung out. And then Robyn got a text message. The text message said:
Congrats You've WON! Go to the front of the line and show this message
We screamed, and Robyn left us to go to the front of the line. Bev was quite annoyed because she thought that she should have gotten first place in line. Robyn texted us and said that she got a free copy of the book! Lucky! There was a countdown and then two guys came out with some cart all taped up and they cut the tape(while Bev was saying "OH MY GOD THEY ARE CUTTING THE TAPE!!!" as if I couldnt see). They started handing out the books. When Bev got hers, she began sobbing. She was laughing, crying, screaming, the works. My friend Adrianna ran up to me and told me that she had won a tshirt, a free copy of the book, some DVD thing, and a bunch of stickers and pins! I knew two people who won books, it was so awesome! It was a great experience, and I wish I could have gone to other release parties, since this was uber-exciting. Two people said I looked like Bella..?
Friday, August 1, 2008
twilight tonight
Tonight I am attending the release party for Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer. I am not the hugest Twilight fan, actually, I am obsessed with Harry Potter, but I want to go to a release party. Every time a Harry Potter book came out, I didn't get to go to any releases. Ever since book four anyways (since my mom read them to me and bought them since I was young). I was either on vacation, or attending some fancy party type thing. Anyways, this is my FIRST EVER release party! It is so exciting! Even if I may not buy the book. I didn't reserve a copy or whatever. But, all in all, it will be a nice experience. For all of you who were wondering (for my imaginary readers of this blog) I am team...
Edward? No.
Jacob? No.
Switzerland!
Oh yeah. Even though I have a I ♥ Jacob necklace...
I don't like Edward. I mean, sure sometimes he says EXACTLY the right thing.
I mean sure, sometimes he is described as being gorgeous and all that.
And SURE, the main character is Bella who loves him.
But, that's just the thing!
We are seeing Edward through Bella's perspective, and hearing her thoughts, which merge into ours. Yeah, I know he admits to having flaws, and I don't care. I just don't like him.
That's not saying that I dislike him, but I don't like him.
I also don't like Jacob. I like him a bit better..but not much.
I think that Jasper should be all magical and get Emmett to ditch Rosalie, because Rosalie really wants a human boy and then Emmett and Bella will take off. Oh, and Edward will get a random teenage girl who is a fan of the books.
That is what is going to happen.
Sorry for the spoiler.
Haha, well I'm going to go eat and get ready, so check back for a report on how it was!
Edward? No.
Jacob? No.
Switzerland!
Oh yeah. Even though I have a I ♥ Jacob necklace...
I don't like Edward. I mean, sure sometimes he says EXACTLY the right thing.
I mean sure, sometimes he is described as being gorgeous and all that.
And SURE, the main character is Bella who loves him.
But, that's just the thing!
We are seeing Edward through Bella's perspective, and hearing her thoughts, which merge into ours. Yeah, I know he admits to having flaws, and I don't care. I just don't like him.
That's not saying that I dislike him, but I don't like him.
I also don't like Jacob. I like him a bit better..but not much.
I think that Jasper should be all magical and get Emmett to ditch Rosalie, because Rosalie really wants a human boy and then Emmett and Bella will take off. Oh, and Edward will get a random teenage girl who is a fan of the books.
That is what is going to happen.
Sorry for the spoiler.
Haha, well I'm going to go eat and get ready, so check back for a report on how it was!
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