Monday, August 18, 2008

personal life?

I haven't made many posts about my personal life, and it is KIND of boring. I mean, there is barely ANY drama going on EVER. Well, I take that back, there is some stuff that could be found interesting enough to read. But whatever. I'll try my best.

So, last week I went to a teenage mother support group. I was totally nervous. I mean, it's weird enough getting looks at school, people talking about you behind your back, calling you a slut and whatnot. It isn't even like that, and they have no idea about what happened or anything. So when I got out of my friend's car and stepped onto the pavement, I was just feeling so nervous. I can't even think of a word better than that to describe it.

The room had desks formed in a square, so everyone would be facing inwards. It reminded me of a middle school classroom setup or something like that. I was expecting there to be a circle of chairs or something, like in Rent with the Aids meetings. Some people were already seated. I didn't know anyone, so I just took a seat near one of the corners of the square of desks. It actually was kind of like a rectangle more than a square.

Girls started filing into the room, and, like usual, I looked at their outfits. I'm not superficial, but sometimes I find it fun to look at outfits and people's looks, and think of what kind of person they seem to be. One girl looked really nice. She had auburn hair (jealous!) in a ponytail, and a red shirt on. She kind of reminded me of Sadie (Charlotte Arnold) from the show Naturally Sadie.

When the meeting began, we all went around and said our names. The lady who was the leader, or whatever you'd call her, pointed to a girl and asked if she would like to share her story. This was a session about opening up about situations, and not to hold things in. The girl named either Maggie or Margaret(I don't remember, but I guess I'll see her if I go back another time. I'll just call her Maggie.) started to tell her story. I found it actually really interesting, so I hope you do too.

Maggie had been hanging out with the popular kids at her school (Hollister-wearing whores, who weren't anywhere near being whores, but they loved the title, she said) and there was a guy who hung out with them that she thought was kind of cute. They got to know each other a little bit, but unfortunately, he was dating her friend(a HW) Hanna, so all she could do was dream. They were out at someone's house and they were all laughing about the stupid things that they did in middle school. Maggie said that she kissed a guy at a middle school dance, and her best friend liked him too, so their friendship ended, just like that. Hanna said that she would never dump a friend for a dumb reason like that. They later decided to play 7 minutes in heaven, a game that Maggie had played before, and she found out she had to go in with the guy she liked. His name was Alex or something. So, when she found out it was her and Alex together, she remembered what Hanna had said, and then Maggie said that two minutes later, they were on the floor, half-clothed. She said that it went by so fast, she was so out of it, that she didn't have much control over the situation. She said that she liked it a hell of a lot, and she didn't want to stop anything anyways. I can see her point of view.

Anyways, back to her story. So there was a knock on the door, Maggie said, and she heard people yelling 'Time's Up!' but the two of them didn't acknowledge anything. In stepped Hanna, the HW's (hollister whores) and the rest of the guys. Hanna dropped to the floor in a deestated rage, the HW's (apparently Maggie remembers all of the little details) crept around to sneak peeks at Alex, and the guys did the same to Maggie. She said right about when one of the guys made a remark about her body and when one of the HW's slapped Maggie in the face, while the others furiously texted everyone to let them know what was going on, was the moment everything came rushing back to her. What she had just done waas such a huge deal, and she started to break down and cry while she quickly grabbed her clothes. She said that she had always wanted to wait for the perfect guy, someone who knew her well, and someone who she trusted. She was so frustrated with herself, she never wanted to lose her virginity at a party in a bedroom she'd never been in with a guy, she realized, she didn't even know. That all happened in her grade nine year, and she was now in grade eleven. After hearing her age, I was kind of less uptight, in a way, because I am going into grade ten, and it just happened at the end of grade nine. Her baby was named Kathleen, and she adored her. She was going to adopt, but her mother helped take care of her. It was nice to hear that her mother was coping with the situation, bad as it is. She finished her story and then finished it off with saying, "Having someone there for you helps a heck of a lot," and I really agree. I'm so lucky that I have people here with me.

Then there was a question time. Someone asked about the guy, Alex. Maggie laughed, then said "His parents were obviously totally mad, but I think his dad was secretly glad that Hanna broke up with him." She made me, and some other people, giggle.

Another girl said that she was just 3 months in, and the boy she did it with was her sister's ex, which I suppose complicates things. One girl, wearing fishnets for some reason (???), didn't say much, but just that this wasn't her first time having sex; that she loved it, and that she wasn't even pregnant, her mom just made her come here.

Going to that meeting/clinic/whatever was such a good experience. It was a comfort to see that tons of people around my age had gotten through this. I am a bit less scared now. Okay, that's a total lie. I am TOTALLY freaked out about it. I hate pain. But I still have more than a few months to go. I'll be able to do school for a while, which is good. I don't want to miss a lot, because I'd hate to fall behind in classes, and miss the after school stuff, which I love. Not everyone at my school knows, but the people who know (like I said before) call me a slut and all that jazz behind my back and to my face. If you look at me, you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm pregnant or anything. I'm only a couple months in. I don't know a way to let everyone know, without it being awkward. Maybe publishing it on my blog, or on facebook will work. I don't know. This might always be a draft. It won't be though, because after I finish this paragraph off, I'm clicking publish, and the news will be out. All of this being sick stuff sucks though. I hate throwing up.

Love, Me.

P.S. Don't hate me :S